He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
