ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
