I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
