She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
