Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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