I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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