So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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