I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
