i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
