Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
