Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
