I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
