You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im holly from the hills drunk
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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