Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
