lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
