You made me cry and you don't even care
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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