His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
