last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
