If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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