i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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