Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
