I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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