Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
