Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
