shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
