just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
