Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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