Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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