I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
