no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
