I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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