She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
