Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
