i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
