Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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