i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
