he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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