swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
