we have officially lost it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
