Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
