I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
