I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
