you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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