love makes seman taste better
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
