He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
