I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
