It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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