Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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