Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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