i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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