i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
