tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
