i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
