If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
