can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
